In the Wedding Date (a movie) one of the main characters says "every woman has the exact love life she wants." For a long time I didn't agree with this statement. I have been disgustingly single for 19 years. I want a boyfriend. When I thought about the statement more I realized that it was right. Even though I want a boyfriend, I'm not really ready for that kind of commitment while I'm in this transitional period. Not to mention relationships are a little scarey. This realization caused further pondering.
Do people make a conscious (or unconscious) decision to be happy or not? I could be happy if I wanted to, but I think when I got here, to OSU, I decided not to be happy. I didn't want to be happy, I didn't want to make friends, I became a shell person. I decided not to make friends because this was not a permanent situation. In my head I had decided that this was not where I was supposed to be and I should therefore be sad. Or did I? Maybe I am truly unhappy, but was it by choice? I could have been happy if I had looked for happiness. I think I did look though. I tried to make friends, but I was constantly looking for faults in them. Is this because I was trying to be unhappy? I'm trapped in a circle of philosophical nonsense.
Thoughts?
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