Finally some summer plans

I'm staying in Pullman over the summer. After a month of not knowing what I was doing this summer, the decision was essentially made for me in two days. I called Ferdinand's to see if they had any job openings, they called me for an interview the following day, and yesterday they called and offered me the job.

It was either serving ice cream or going back to the plywood plant. While I think last summer's job was a valuable life experience, the idea of experiencing it again isn't entirely appealing.

So I'm staying here. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this turn of events, but it's how it's going to be. I've already found housing via subleasing from a fellow co-worker, thankfully. It will be hard not to see my family this summer. That's the biggest down side. I haven't seen them since spring break and with my youngest sister entering high school in the fall, I wish I could be there for her.

Things at home have been a little rough and I feel guilty for not being there to help. My father has accepted the new arrangement and is supportive as always.

I sign paperwork on Tuesday. My finals should be finished by then so I may start right away.

Who needs some funny quotes? You do.

I've got some good ones folks! Are you ready? Here we go.

Mom [in response to one of my dumb questions]: "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

Ali:"That frickin' hurt!"
Me:"What?"
Ali:"I kicked that cookie!"

Me [about my crush on "Hot Biology Guy"]: "It's about time it was with a real guy."

Ali [in response to me laughing at the above quotation]: "Shit I'm funny."

Ali: "It's either the $24 hat or the $12 in cash. So, basically I'm buying my own birthday present."

Me [in church]: "Mommy...I'm choking on Jesus!"

Father Dave: "Our mass has ended. Let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord."
Church People: "Thanks be to God."
Me:"It's like we're thanking God for ending mass."
Mom: "I don't think that's the intent."

Bio Prof: "endoplasmic reticulums are fun but genomes are funner."

Bio Prof: "Cells are much smarter than that."
Me: "Yeah, I don't give my cells enough credit. Good work boys [cells]."

Bio Prof: "...Bubbling mud pot..." <--my new favorite insult

Maggie: "What happened here?"
Me: "Basically...I'm just a big fat dork."

Anth Prof: "We'll have a movie about chimpanzees, everything you ever wanted to know about chimpanzees. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll probably have to leave to go to the bathroom...I guarantee at least one but probably all three of those things will happen to you."

Lab Partner: "Where's your bump man?"

Anth Prof: "It's just...it's total bullshit."

Anth Prof: "So short people don't get any love basically."

Chem Prof: "I think I was making up crazy chemistry in my head."

Chem Prof: "water can be an acid and a base at the same time! WOAH huh?!"

Chem Prof: "Let me take a deep breath here...pheeeeew inner peace..."

Chem Prof: "Buffers are fuuuuuuuun!"

Farewell Diamond

My father called this morning, when he knew I would still be sleeping, to tell me my cat died last night. I was relieved that she wasn't attacked or sick, but simply died in her sleep. She was a very old cat. I remember holding her when she was kitten and I was about 3. That made her 16 when she finally went to sleep and never woke up. She was a barn cat and an excellent mouser. I named her Diamond, because the way she had different colors of brown in her coat reminded me a scene from the Rescuers when a flashlight hits a diamond. It will be strange to feed the animals without her trailing after me.

Best Presidents' Day by far

Over 800 miles in four days
In a wet and moldy car
With a friend I see every day
To visit a friend we haven't seen in a while

The CD player was annoying
Lisa read aloud from Unreasonable Behaviour
I tried to turn up her volume
It did not work

I had Irish cream
But not in coffee
To celebrate St. Paddy's Day
He is better than St. Valentine

After grilled cheese, we visited the ocean
Played in the waves and on the rocks
Then looked at Tom Cruise while eating burritos
Before learning where the blood will be

We ate ice cream at Billy's
And felt like small children
But we beat Oregon
And later mocked a stupid truck

I visited home
To de-mold my car
So my friends could visit my farm
Where a goat skull greeted us

Later there were guns and a goose
Thumbless emus and a green egg
We visited the bone yard
My father offered Jacob a cow pelvis

We began our return early
Got giant pancakes at The Rusty Tractor
Lisa took someone's drink (by accident)
Adventure over, we made it back in time for work

Back To Bellingham

I am now back at school and feeling a little blue. Big surprise right? I understand more and more how Christina feels about home vs away. I love being at home because I love being with my mom. However, I like coming back to school because that means I leave the craziness behind. I feel like I'm constantly battling with myself inside about where I want to be.

School isn't fun for me anymore (I guess that's what happens when you're a science major) so I've thought about just taking some time off. But when I think about how my life would be, and I apologize for the vagueness, I just couldn't handle being at home that much. It would be too hard (emotionally). I'm hoping that once I get through this year, my classes next year will be ones I like.

I need a sign or something to reassure me that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I think about the future way to much and it makes me sad, I should make a point to not do it so much. "The Future" seems so far away, like something I'll never actually achieve. It's like I'm jumping over hurdle after hurdle and as soon as I can see the finish line the race is made longer.

Same ol' Same ol'

It’s funny how some things don’t change. Every time I come home from school, I worry about things being different, about having to readjust. I feel like at school I’m a different person than when I’m at home. I’m always amazed at how seamlessly I revert back. At school, other than the paper, I have few responsibilities. I’m rather self-indulgent. Being home is different. I stop being an independent college student and sometimes it seems, I go back in time.

I got home yesterday evening. As soon as I walked in the door, I became daddy’s little girl again. Leaving school, I put all my bags in my car by myself. Soon as I got home, in a sweet voice I asked my daddy to get my suitcase. He spoils me. I was also hungry, so I began making a sandwich. But my father can cut and toast the bread so perfectly, I got him to do that for me also. While initially it seems I return to being a spoiled little girl, I revert back into other roles as well.

I’ve always been more of a mother to my little sisters than a big sister. As my youngest sister went to bed, I checked to make sure she had brushed her teeth and washed her face. She hadn’t, so I made her get up and do it. This morning, as I was still sleeping and she was getting ready for school, she woke me up because she was concerned my father’s outfit didn’t match. I found him, and made him change his tie. By the time I did wake up, my sisters were both at school and my father at work. I had my cup of coffee and an English muffin and then got to work myself cleaning the house.

When I left for school, I wasn’t sure how my family would get along without me, but they’ve proven to be capable. At the same time, as soon as I come home, it’s like nothing is different at all. People often seem surprised when they find out I don’t desire children, and that even if I did have any, it wouldn’t be for quite some time. It’s not only that I’m just 19, but also that in some regards and to some extent I feel like I’ve been there and done that already. I’m not complaining. I like it. I like being needed and I like taking care of my father and sisters. And it’s not all bad. When I’m want a break from playing mother, I can always go back to being daddy’s little girl.

And I’m still a college student too. I have three weeks worth of dirty laundry on the floor of my room waiting to be washed. That’s right, I managed to go three weeks without doing laundry. It wasn’t easy. I’ll get to it after I make some banana bread from the old bananas on the counter.

It's good to be home.

Happy Birthday Mom

I love you!


No. She doesn't read this. It's the thought.

A Few More Kalaloch Pictures

The Lingering Smell of Campfire

I returned from camping on Saturday morning tired and in desperate need of a bath. Overall the week-long trip was great, however, a week strait with my grandparents was a little straining on my patience. Thank God for Ali, good books, coffee, chocolate, the ocean, and the arrival of my mom on Thursday afternoon. Eliminating any one of those could very possibly have made the trip bad. Anyway, here are a few pictures for you to enjoy.

July 4, 2007

My grandparents left today before I got home from work. I told them good bye last night after fireworks. Our fourth of July celebration went quite well I thought. We had many fireworks, even more family members, and had to find an extra table for all the food. It's the only way to celebrate Independence day.

This was the first year I didn't do any sparklers. Instead, Ariel and I handed them out to the little ones (although I think she did one). Mostly though, we occupied ourselves with fireworks that were a bit more exciting. I didn't get any burns, only a small amount of Roman candle debris in an eye (stupid wind), and a small hole in the sleeve of one of my jackets. My favorite part of the day was the birthday cake for my great uncle George. I made it. It looked like a flag with blueberry stars and raspberry/cool whip stripes.

I got the day off from work, but had to go in today. I am tired. Large family gatherings and a work day on four hours of sleep will do that.

A Western Wedding

My grandparents are visiting from Wenatchee. They arrived Friday and were already at my house when I came home from work. They are staying until after our yearly Fourth of July bash.

On Saturday Ariel and I went to my cousin's Western themed wedding. As most of the family was busy or dressed up, it fell to Ariel and myself to catch the bride's horse for her to ride in on. We caught it ... and wearing heels. (Me, not the horse)

Today the groom came over to build a ramp onto our porch for my grandmother. I also went to church with my grandparents to make them happy. I haven't been in over a year and going today made me remember why. Some people are just crazy. Others are nice though and it was good seeing them. But the crazy ones ...

An Evil Sign and Bubble Bath

I celebrated Father's Day with my father today. I treated him to dinner at Red Lobster. The total came to such a number so that when I rounded the total to the nearest ten, the tip came to $6.66 - I hope the waitress (who apologized for everything and called me ma'am repeatedly) is not overly religious.


I also got him some bubble bath. Despite their usual associations with femininity, my father greatly enjoys bubble baths. I always have a tough time finding him manly scented bubble bath though. This year I went with Tranquil Mint from Bath & Body works.

I also ordered him the new Harry Potter book.

I Ain't No Hollaback Girl

Borders was a frustrating experience in itself. As we were walking in I was trying to talk to Ali about wanting to become a Physicians Assistant but she kept interrupting me and as we were crossing the street, a truck started honking and the guys in the truck started hollering "Hey honey...nice ass!...hey hottie..."etc. I just kept walking like I always do and Ali flipped 'um the bird and started cussing them out like she always does. She's a hollaback girl.

I hate it when guys do that. It's something I don't' understand. I mean do they actually get women by degrading them to a meaningless "piece of ass"? Once you yell out your window at a woman I have lost all respect for you because you obviously have no respect for women. Are there really women that play into that? I also don't' understand because it wasn't like Ali (or I for that matter) was dressed up. I mean she had her hair in a ponytail, she was wearing old jeans, and a sweatshirt. It would have made more sense if she hadn't just gotten done with physical therapy and had been wearing nicer clothes, but seriously.

So anyway, then we walked in the store and started looking at the books on sale and I was still trying to talk to her about how I might switch to pre-med, but that was apparently not interesting or important enough because she kept making it about her life so I just gave up and let her talk about herself.

After I finally found my book I went to check out and accidentally dropped my Clean & Clear oily face fixer power stuff when I pulled out my wallet. And naturally when it hit the floor the powder shattered into a gazillion teeny tiny little pieces. Crap.

Usually going to bookstores is so pleasant.

A Morning of Frustration

Today my sister dragged me to Olympia with her. I was not happy. She was in a car accident a month or two ago and needs physical therapy for her back. So, last night she walks up to me and asks "do you want to go to physical therapy with me tomorrow morning, then to Capital, then to the Verizon store?"
"No," I replied flatly and honestly.
"Yes you do," my mom informed me.
The truth was that I really didn't want to go. Why would I? Her therapy was at 8:40 in the morning and I was going to be tired and my allergies were going to be killing me as usual, and I was going to have to sit in a cold medical office, and then wait for her in the car while she ran while she ran in to the school where she would undoubtedly run in to one of her friends and chat up a storm while I waited in the car, and then sit and wait for her in the Verizon store. On top of all this she'd probably be chatting and texting on her phone the whole time anyway, so what did she need me for? Sounds like Boresville to me.

And what do ya know, I was right. The morning started badly. I had tossed and turned all night, my allergies were indeed bad, I got up late and therefore didn't have enough time to get ready so I had to put my makeup on in the car, and I didn't have enough time to pour a cup of coffee. I was pissed.

We left the house at 8:05. I sat silently in the car while Ali sang and told me stories that I had already heard at least once before. Luckily, the therapy office was located right next door to the clinic. When we got there I announced that I was going to walk over to the clinic. "But we're going there after," Ali said. "Well, I'm going now." I didn't need to go in there with her. I'd have to sit alone anyway.

I walked to the clinic and sat down at the empty station next to my mom's. "Why am I here," I whimpered.
"Ahh my poor baby. For moral support," she answered.
I rolled my eyes because we both knew that Ali would have never come with me if I was the one in physical therapy. After a few minutes mom's doctor poked her head around the corner and asked, "are you hanging around for today?"
"Just until Ali is done with physical therapy next door."
"So, why are you here then?"
"I don't know."
"I understand," she chuckled.
A while later Ali showed up and we went to get coffee, thank God. Then we went to the mall.

Going there actually turned out to be convenient because I had somethings to take care of at the mall. When we got to the Verizon store though it was packed. This made no sense because it was 10 in the morning on a week day. Why weren't these people at work? Anyway, we decided to go to Target (new stop) and then come back. On our way to Target to get Thank You cards I convinced her to let me stop by Borders too...
"Can I run in to Borders really quick, please?"
"Sure, why?"
"Um...to get a book..."
"Oh, okay."

We went to Target, Borders, Verizon and then decided finally to go home. We were about halfway home when Ali said we needed to run to her guy friend's house to pick of some stuff she left in his truck. "No," I protested. I knew if we went to his house we would have to stay and chat for a while and I don't really like the kid, so naturally I didn't want to go to his house. I wanted to go home. After some arguing she agreed to just come home. Thank God.

When we got home I put my things in my room, then started to do the dishes because I can't stand a dirty kitchen. By doing the dishes I don't starting the dishwasher...I am the dishwasher. Anyway, as soon as I finished the dishes I wiped down the stove top and the counters, then cleaned Diego's bowl. As I was leaving the kitchen to put him back in this spot Ali walks past me with a stack of dishes and sets them in my newly emptied sink. My jaw dropped in amazement and I looked at her with a "what the hell?" look on my face. Seriously, doing the dishes is not a quiet job. So, why would you wait until I was done to bring in more? "These aren't even mine," she declared in response to the look on my face. "SO," I screamed in my head. Then she took out a pot I had just washed and started making something to eat. I had to leave. I sat outside for about 5 hours, too scared to come back in and see the mess she had most likely made. It all seems silly now, but at the time I felt so trapped.

"Ode to Radar"

"Ode to Radar"

By:Alison VanZandt

I only had you for a day before i killed you.
Your water was to cold and your insides froze.
I didn't want to lose you.
I put you in warm water and watched you come back to life.
I didn't think that you were going to make it.
You were on your side.
Slowly your fin started to move.
You were back, alive.

I named you Radar after my favorite TV show.
You were a good fish.
You loved the sunlight.
You were a pretty and red, my favorite color.
You stood out to me.
I knew I had to have you.

You made it another 2 weeks.
You just couldn't hold on.
You were to brain dead to eat.
I gave you a proper funeral at the toilet.
We said our good byes and let you go.
It was hard, I can't believe i killed you.
I hope you made it to your happy place.
RIP RADAR

A Bug Hunt

I'm often surprised at how easily I fit right into my roles at home even though I've been gone for many moons. One of these roles includes being the go-to person for homework help.

Thus, early this morning before the sun got too high, I could be found running around in our fields of Camus and cattle with my younger sister. We were chasing insects for her collection due on Tuesday.

We made quite a few good catches. We caught several butterflies and beetles. We collected various species of flies and bees. Her collection has come together rather nicely I think. Now she just has to look up the common name, genus, and species of each insect.

Some of my favorite finds were the spit bug (which we caught because it got stuck to my shoe), the Lorquin's Admiral butterfly which I caught by a mad dash through sticker bushes (bad activity to wear shorts for), and the capture of what looks to be a miniature grasshopper. My sister really wanted a swallowtail butterfly, but alas, they continued to allude us and remained out of reach of our net. The other 30 insects just aren't quite satisfying enough for her.

Smells Like Money

Have I ever mentioned that Corvallis is surrounded by farms, so not matter how you look at it OSU is downwind. Usually the smell isn't that strong, but today because it was so warm and there was a little breeze it smelled like manure for the entire day. I actually don't mind the smell, it actually brings back memories. ¡Fun Fact!: Olfaction sensory nerves are processed in the same part of the brain as memories, thus when you smell something it can trigger a memory. Also when you think of a memory or a place you might remember a smell more than other senses like sound and touch.

When I was younger my family owned a worm casting business, basically we sold potting soil (very good dirt) and worms for composting. We would go to local farms and get cow manure for the worms. On the way there we would drive past other farms and dairies, usually down the Moxie or Highway 12. When my sister and I smelled the manure we would say the usual "ew," or "gross," or "who farted," and then laugh like little kids do, but my dad would always say "smells like money."

217 Days Down, 14 To Go

I went home this weekend for the holiday. It was wonderfully perfect timing. I made it 8 full weeks without going home, which is a record. Last term after 5 weeks I was starting to show signs of depression and the doctor sent me home. The term before that I had to come home after about 4 weeks, so for me 8 weeks is amazing. I actually might have made it the whole 10 weeks without going home, but I didn't want to stay here either.

I went and saw Pirates with my mom and sister. I think I give it a C+. I got to hang out with Christina too, which was swell. I went to the cemetery with my mama like we do every year to decorate the graves of my grandma, grandpa, aunt, and great grandpa. I didn't get a chance to blog because my computer at home is really slow. I also went back to Big 5 to see if I could line up a summer job. They were actually really excited to see me and it looks like I will be working there.

I thought I would be okay coming back, emotionally. I think the next two weeks are going to be hard. Coming home this weekend was like a false sense of finality. Even though I knew I had to come back to Corvallis, I felt like I was done. It's strange because I thought I had gotten stronger but as soon as I got into Oregon I felt instantly tired and testy. Two and a half hours later...still tired and testy.

Only two more weeks.

"Sorry about the Aborigines"

As usual, I chatted with my mom on the phone last night. She always puts the phone of speaker phone when I call so she can eat or play spider solitaire or whatever. Well about halfway through our conversation I was gabbing away about something when suddenly I heard something that sounded like loud jungle drums.
"MOMMY," I yelled. "What was that?! The Aborigines are coming to get me!"
On the other end I heard her start laughing hysterically, then I heard the drums again.
"AGH! MOMMY! Why are there jungle people in the house?!"
"Alison, can you hear that," I heard her call to my sister.
"Yeah," I heard Ali giggle back.
Then the sound went again.
"MOMMY! What is that?!" I hollered.
Then I heard the "blub, blub, blub" of bubbles.
"AGH! MOMMY! The Tribal People threw me into the ocean," I screamed.
My mom just kept on laughing, which made me start laughing.
"What the heck is goin' on," I asked.
"I was getting some water from the dispenser and I set you on top. The back of the phone is round so you were rolling around on the top of the water jug," she explained between laughs.
Then I started laughing harder because I realized that the "blub, blub, blub" was the sound of her getting water. We spent the next five minutes laughing. Then mom said "sorry about the Aborigines, Dolly Girl."
"That's okay," I whimpered. "That was pretty funny though."

Visitors

Ali and Christina came to see me this weekend. They came yesterday and left about 20 minutes ago. It was nice to see them. We went to the pool late last night and swam. It was nice because I'm usually there by myself and I like having someone to joke with. At night they turn the lights off at the pool and just leave the ones underwater on. It was a lot of fun. They were both tired from the car ride and from swimming, so we then went back to the room and watched a movie. Ali was asleep right away. I made them sleep on the hard floor and I slept on my bed. It was weird because I kept waking up thinking I was at home, but then opened my eyes and realized I was still in Corvallis.

This morning got up and got coffee at Bing's. Then we went to the bookstore. After that we were at a bit of a loss. I really don't do much and the weather was a bit weird. We decided to go off campus for lunch. We also decided to go see Shrek the Third. Both lunch and Shrek were pretty good, although Christina thought there was "too much dialogue." When we got back it was 3:30. We sat around until 5:00 when they left. Christina did her pouty face, then they got in the car and left.

I can't wait to go home on Friday and see my mommy too!