Who needs some funny quotes? You do.

I've got some good ones folks! Are you ready? Here we go.

Mom [in response to one of my dumb questions]: "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

Ali:"That frickin' hurt!"
Me:"What?"
Ali:"I kicked that cookie!"

Me [about my crush on "Hot Biology Guy"]: "It's about time it was with a real guy."

Ali [in response to me laughing at the above quotation]: "Shit I'm funny."

Ali: "It's either the $24 hat or the $12 in cash. So, basically I'm buying my own birthday present."

Me [in church]: "Mommy...I'm choking on Jesus!"

Father Dave: "Our mass has ended. Let us go in peace to love and serve the Lord."
Church People: "Thanks be to God."
Me:"It's like we're thanking God for ending mass."
Mom: "I don't think that's the intent."

Bio Prof: "endoplasmic reticulums are fun but genomes are funner."

Bio Prof: "Cells are much smarter than that."
Me: "Yeah, I don't give my cells enough credit. Good work boys [cells]."

Bio Prof: "...Bubbling mud pot..." <--my new favorite insult

Maggie: "What happened here?"
Me: "Basically...I'm just a big fat dork."

Anth Prof: "We'll have a movie about chimpanzees, everything you ever wanted to know about chimpanzees. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll probably have to leave to go to the bathroom...I guarantee at least one but probably all three of those things will happen to you."

Lab Partner: "Where's your bump man?"

Anth Prof: "It's just...it's total bullshit."

Anth Prof: "So short people don't get any love basically."

Chem Prof: "I think I was making up crazy chemistry in my head."

Chem Prof: "water can be an acid and a base at the same time! WOAH huh?!"

Chem Prof: "Let me take a deep breath here...pheeeeew inner peace..."

Chem Prof: "Buffers are fuuuuuuuun!"